those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
