That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
