I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
