You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize