ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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