I showed him my bush... on skype.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
