I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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