My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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