Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
