And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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