I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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