I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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