Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize