There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
