I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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