Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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