I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
