Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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