theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
