just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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