when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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