Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
