why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
