so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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