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You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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