No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
