My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
