hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
