How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
