I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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