I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
