I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
