btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
