Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
