So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
