I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
