And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
