NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
