he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
