Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
