I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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