My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize