I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
