she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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