You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
