my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
