Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She bit a glass in half.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
