so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's like heaven, but drunker
you inspire me to be a worse person
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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