I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
