He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
