On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
