he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
