Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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