Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
