He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
