the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
