dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
