Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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