i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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