oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
