I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
