Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
