I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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