so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
