somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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