The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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