There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
