You're my little dorito
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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