I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
