I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
