Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
