i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
