is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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