she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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