If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
