yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
